I almost died. No, really.

I'm still shaky from what happened tonight. I almost got into a serious car accident.

I was driving home from doing some studying at Panera Bread about an hour ago. Panera's on this busy central street, so a lot of the traffic lights are pretty close in distance to each other. Anyway, I saw the light was green ahead, but for some unexplainable reason, I zoned out for just one second. I don't even know what came over me. I swear, I zoned for one second. I think I was going about 50 mph. The next thing I knew, the traffic light was red and there was a car standing at the red light directly ahead of me. I immediately stepped on my brake, but I was so close to the car that I knew there was absolutely no way I would stop without hitting the car (and hit it hard). There wasn't even enough distance for me to brake to a slower speed.

In that moment, I was pretty much coming to terms with the fact that I was going to hit that car really hard, but my instincts suddenly told me to just swerve, and Lord, did I swerve. I swerved to the next lane to my right. Luckily, there was no car in that lane, or I would have had an equally bad accident. I swerved and came to a complete stop right next to the car I almost hit. I braked so hard that everything (including my laptop) in my car flew forward. I honestly don't even know how that swerving worked out. I moved so fast that I swear I should have ended up hitting a telephone pole. Somehow, I ended up perfectly in the right lane.

I've honestly never been more scared in my life than I was at that moment. I started shaking badly and I thought I was going to faint, I was so shocked. I couldn't drive, so I sat in some random church parking lot for 5 minutes, thanking God. I know 100% that I would have at least landed in the hospital if I had hit that car. I don't know how everything turned out fine. I've never had fantastic problem-solving skills, so it was the most shocking thing to just have my instincts completely take control in that moment. It felt like it wasn't even me who swerved. It felt as if my mind took complete control for a second.

I feel this mixture of humiliation and annoyance at myself. I always swore to myself I wouldn't be that idiot that involved others in a huge accident because of my carelessness, and I was exactly that person. At the moment when I should have gotten into that accident, I had a thousand thoughts running through my head, and I hate to admit that my biggest worry was "oh my God, please don't let me wreck this car. My parents are going to kill me!" and, immediately after, "oh my God, please don't let my laptop be broken. My parents are going to kill me!" Guys, I worried more about my useless things than I did my own life! I feel so disgusted with myself.

This post is really jumbled and poorly written, but I'm just too shocked still to think clearly. I don't know what to feel or think right now, but I honestly believe it was God that saved me. Thanks, God.