The blogging community loves me!

I'm a star! In the past two days, I've won NOT ONE but TWO awards. I think this should be celebrated. If any of you go to any parties or get really drunk tonight (neither of which I am sociable enough to do), just remember to think of me in all my glory. Thanks to Hazel at Pablo's Angel for the One Lovely Blog Award, and Rebecca at ☆ the life of an ordinary girl... for the Blog on Fire Award. Much appreciated!

Ah, so seven things about me. Hm, let's see.

1.) I can speak English and Russian just about equally. Russian was actually the first language I learned, until I went to school, where I learned English. Somehow in the process though, I forgot Russian and basically had to relearn it. Now I'm fluent in both, and it has its privelages.

2.) I adore desserts. Seriously, the first thing I want to do with my very first paycheck (whenever I get my first job) is go to the store and buy myself a huge box of cupcakes and a cheesecake and just eat it all.

3.) I have two little nieces. Alina, who is 2, and Emma, who is 3 months. They're adorable and I love them to death.

4.) Monet is my favorite artist. I just love his impressionistic landscapes.

5.) I'm obsessed with The Beatles.

6.) I think that British accents were the best thing ever created by God.

7.) I'm terrified of marriage. I don't like to think about it at all.

Gah, here's the part I fear. Giving them to 14 people. I honestly think I'll just cut it down to 5 each, for a total of 10. I know I know, that's cheating, but I don't even know if I follow 14 people. After this, I'll definitely start following more people and reading more blogs, because I feel bad that I'm missing out on so many great blogs! I really don't know what I'm missing! Please don't hate me, any of you. They're all so deserving though, so check em out!

One Lovely Blog Award
Lexy at QUIRKY EXPLOSION
Lonely at Mylifeisjustbeginning
Devin at The Everyday Effect
Meleonie at Ramblings of a Teenage Daydreamer
Jen at The Girl in the Purple Pants

Blog on Fire Award
v at the half baked music snob
Lex at the lexical gap
Kyla at Kyla's Not Normal
Victoria at Victoria's World
The Frisky Virgin at The Frisky Virgin

Thanks again to the two lovelies who awarded me! Very much appreciated! And make sure to check out all of these wondrous blogs.

(Gahhh, now to terrorize comment on 10 blogs saying I've awarded them)

Things I love more than anything in the world

Partially inspired by Hazel's Being Happy series, partially just my random need to post alot of random and lovely pictures, partially just because I'm in such a great mood.

My Best Friends

Animals

Love

Desserts

London

Travelling

Music

I've been poisoned!

I'm not even lying in my title. I have been poisoned. A few days ago, I was pulling out weeds from underneath our pool deck, and I guess I must have pulled out a poison ivy plant. Now my right hand is covered in blisters and my right eye looks like someone punched me hard in the face 20 times because it's all swollen and blotchy and red. It's not a pretty sight. I thought about including a picture, but you all really don't want to see it. I surprised the nurse today when I went to the doctor's office when I showed her my hand.

My sister keeps insisting that because of my eye, I look like what she calls a "druggie" or someone who takes hard drugs excessively. It only adds to the embarrassment. Not to mention that I have to hide my right hand from everyone who I fear might have a sensitive stomach. And anyone who does notice stares at me like I'm some lab rat. It's annoying, yet simultaneously hilarious. I can't wait to show my friends tomorrow.

You know what I don't understand? Doctors. I don't know why they insist on measuring your height and weight each time you go to the doctor's office. My weight is not in any way involved with my blistered hand or eye. I'm sure even if I gain 45 pounds, this would not affect the blisters. I'm already annoyed about my hand, if you measure my weight and notice I've gained 5 pounds, this would not make me any happier. Ah, the joys of being a teenage girl.

On a lighter note, we've made reservations to go on vacation to Florida for TWO WEEKS at the end of August, and we're flying! Usually on our annual Florida vacations we drive, so I'm really looking forward to flying. I love airplanes and airports! Hopefully I'll be blogging at that point with pictures and fun things of the beach and Disney World. I'm quite excited.

From underneath the rubble sing a rebel song

Does anyone ever feel like they were born in the wrong place? Like where they are isn't where they're supposed to be?

I do. I feel so completely out of place here. I feel like I was born in the wrong place, the wrong family, the wrong everything. I can't stand it here. I really can't. I feel like my life's wasting away. Everything I want to do, I can't.

Explanation? Ah, where to start? I was born into a very conservative Russian Protestant family, where everything is a goddamn sin. Going to concerts, dancing, listening to non-Christian music, playing cards, getting your ears pierced, wearing shorts, wearing sleeveless dresses, wearing any jewelry, the list goes on forever. We go to a church that enforces everything listed above. Nowhere in the Bible does it even begin to state that it's a sin to do any of those things. I just can't take it. Back when I was a naive younger teenager (up to 15), I guess I was okay with it. Now I'm just hanging on a thin thread of patience.

The worst part? They are so against religion. "Oh, it is about a relationship with Jesus, not following the rules of religion". Are you fucking kidding me? You have more fucking laws than the Jews of the Old Testament! It's all because of your stupid rules. WE DO NOT LIVE IN THE 19th CENTURY! I'm tired of feeling like I should poke my eye out from the guilt of missing one church service. No where in the Bible does it state "thou shalt go to church 5 times a week".

I want to leave so badly, but I can't. My mom won't let me leave town; not even for college. I don't have the heart to tell her that the thought of staying here for college makes me want to lock myself in my room forever and sob. How do you tell your mother that you no longer want to live with her? That's how she thinks of it. just don't know how to explain that if I stay here, I'll never get a chance for freedom. Basically, if I stay here for college, I'll live with my parents until I get married, when I'll live with my husband. I have no say in what college I go to. My mom has made that explicitly clear.

What about what I want?

Oh, and you all will absolutely LOVE this part. I must marry someone of Russian blood. I have no choice. If I don't, I will basically be shunned by everyone in my church and be known as a disgrace. They cannot be American, they cannot be English, French, German, Swedish, you name it. If they do not know the Russian ways and speak the Russian language, I am forbidden to marry them. It really makes me want to cry. What if I fall in love with someone who isn't Russian? Am I supposed to tell them I can never be with them?

I mean, maybe if I liked the guys in my church, it'd be alright. But I don't. They're all arrogant assholes who don't understand anything. Education is nothing to them, their music taste is boring and they're content to remain here for the rest of their lives. All three of those things are so important to me. I couldn't imagine ever marrying any of them. What if I don't want to marry a conservative Christian?

Why can't I be in control of my own life? Why can't I choose the place where I receive my education? Why can't I marry whoever the hell I want? Why did I have to beg my mom for a week for her to let me keep a poster of The Beatles on my wall?

Guys, I'm really sorry for this post. I know you really don't want to hear my complaining and ranting, but I really had to type it all out. I felt like I was about to burst. I really don't have anyone else to talk with about this, because no one fully understands and I always feel really stupid writing anything in a journal (no offense meant to anyone who does). If any of you have any advice, I would really appreciate it. Again, I'm sorry.

Mosh Mosh Mosh!

I love that word. Mosh. It sounds like mush, only cooler.

This is the post where I whine about never going to a concert before. You see, I guess you could say my music taste is a bit..out of the ordinary. Most of my favorite bands aren't too well known in the US, so they only come to the major cities, like NYC, Boston, Chicago, LA, which are all more than 6 hours away from where I live.

Imagine the torture of knowing your favorite band is playing in NYC and all you can do is hopelessly stare at the Ticketmaster page, wishing you could also be rushing to buy tickets. It's heartbreaking.

BUT BUT BUT..great news! A band I really like (Two Door Cinema Club, not like anyone knows them anyways :P) is coming to TORONTO. That's only 2 hours away from where I live! And it's on September 17, which is a Saturday! It's not even a weekday so I don't have to miss school! AND AND AND tickets are only $21! That's like a bargain and it's for General Admission. It's almost as if I'm destined to go.

Little problem though. How am I supposed to get there? My mom is convinced concerts are crazy rituals where they try to convert everyone to Satanism. Ridiculous, isn't it?! (shh...but I wouldn't want to go with her anyways). I'm really betting that I'll have my license by then. Next problem is getting her to let me go, especially because my concert buddy is a guy. I'm leaving it up to fate I guess. JK not really, but I have 2 more months to plan! :D

RANDOM QUESTION: If you could have the opportunity to see any band, alive or not, who would you see?

Personally, I think I'd see the Beatles. I could be one of the screaming girls in the crowd, shouting "GEORGE, GEORGE, I LOVE YOU! AHHH".

Okay, I'm done now.

Happy Happy Happy Happy!

I'm so happy right now (which you probably couldn't tell at all, based on my title)

You see, I play piano. I've been playing since I was 7. I have a very interesting relationship with it. It's like that best friend that you've known forever, and sometimes you drift apart and don't speak for months, but when you finally do get together again, it's like nothing has changed, only you're happy to be together again. That's how I feel.

I haven't played for months. Before my piano lessons ended for the summer, I practiced my lesson music a couple times a week (which is the bare minimum really; I'm so lazy), but I never played for fun. Like I never played any music that I love, or for the enjoyment. Honestly, I don't think I've enjoyed it for a whole year.

It's back though. It came back in this little reunion through a song known as "Let It Be" by the Beatles. I sat down today and played for the first time this summer, and I just felt so happy. I didn't want to get up until I learned the first page perfectly, and I did!

I'm thinking maybe I should try writing a song using my piano. I don't know if it'd work, because I've never written a song before, but I really want to try. I feel like that break I took from it really helped me realize a lot. I'm really so grateful to be able to play such an amazing instrument.

Ideal Anna

A while ago, Hazel talked about the Ideal Self, which is the person you imagine and wish yourself to be, and the Real Self, which is who you really are. The wider the gap between the Ideal and Real Self, the greater the dissatisfaction you have with yourself, which can frequently lead to depression and self-loathing.

Anyways, considering it's such an interesting topic, I thought I'd talk about my Ideal Self. Instead of comparing my Ideal Self to my Real Self though, I'll just let Dreamer Anna give you the basics on the best "me".

I'm badass. I'm the lead guitarist in a British rock band that plays at Glastonbury (yeah, yeah, laugh all you want). There is nothing I cannot play. My back doesn't seem nearly as wide as it does in real life, and I look great in that striped sweater I've been dying to buy. My style is awesome, yet I'm always comfortable; never overly girly, but always embracing my features best I can. Oh, and my thighs never look funny in skinny jeans.

I'm quite witty, and enjoy having a good time. I love life and laughter. I'm very social and never shy. I'm very artistic (I think this is what is most important to me). I can write amazing songs, from the meaningful lyrics to the music. I have an awesome music taste, and people come to me for new music suggestions. I'm confident, and try not to let criticism affect me negatively. I'm just a life-loving, happy-go-lucky person.

Oh, and I care. I care about animals, I care about the environment, I care about people. I am always willing to help anyone in need, and I fight for the issues I believe in (all of which are stated above). I will go to Africa in a heartbeat and help the people, I will work to protect the environments of endangered animals, and anything else that I feel will help the world.

What I love is that most of these qualities I already have, particularly in terms of personality. I imagined myself as the best person I could be. Even the things that I am not, I feel like I could either gain or improve on (well, maybe except for the bad-ass lead guitarist thing). The physical appearance stuff I think I could improve with just a little effort, so I'm not really stressing over that. The things I listed about personality I feel is the person I can, and will eventually become. Overall, I'm quite happy with myself!

How do you say goodbye?

Harry Potter is over.
I don't know what to do with myself.

From the moment Deathly Hallows Part I ended and I walked out of the theater in November, I tried so hard to not think about Harry Potter. While everyone else was eagerly awaiting the premier of Part II, I avoided every part of it at all costs. I didn't reblog pictures on tumblr, I let the books gather dust on my bookshelf, I even bought DH Part I on DVD and refused to watch it (I still haven't). I tried to keep it out of my mind because I was afraid of the pain.

Some may think it's crazy that a mere book series could bring so much pain, but to me, they weren't books. They were more. I don't really know how to explain it (I can't comprehend it myself), but I lived through that series. Everything just felt so real. Knowing that it wasn't the end kept me going. Fully realizing that the final part was coming was just too much for me.

I felt like I was a part of that series; like I was at Hogwarts and knew everyone and experienced everything all the characters faced. Hogwarts was my home. I was never ready to say goodbye to it. Even though everyone is saying "oh, it will never be the end, the series will live with us forever," they know deep down that in a way, it's over. That actors have moved on. JKR has moved on. Yet all of us Potterheads haven't, and we never want to.

Dumbledore: "After all this time, Severus?"

Snape: "Always."

12:51 is the time..

I really need to stop staying up so late.

I take "night person" to an extreme. This whole week I have stayed up till 4 AM and successfully slept in till 1 PM each day. 1 PM! I'm disgusted with myself. I hate sleeping the day away, but this week has been especially boring. I've done absolutely nothing, and have had no plans whatsoever.
Going to bed at 1 AM for me, even during the school year, is like an achievement because I usually stay awake until AT LEAST 3. 10 PM, no matter what time of year, is like 8 PM for me.

*sigh* I know I'm not

 I used to think it's just because I had so much homework during the school year that I stayed up so late, but I really just love night. It's so calm, and I love choosing what I want to do because everyone's asleep, so there's no one to tell me to clean my room (though I've done it before at 2 AM), wash the dishes, or even yell at me for sitting on the computer too long. I get everything done late at night, and do nothing during the day.

Currently it is 1:58 AM. I've decided maybe I'll go to sleep earlier tonight. Or just listen to my iPod for two hours. Whatever works. I love being a night person.

Oh, and to give you all pleasant dreams tonight (or for some of you, pleasant day-dreams because it's already morning) I'm including a picture of this gorgeous man.

This is Nick Valensi, guitarist for The Strokes (which is, like, the best band ever). He's such a cutie.

I am the Birthday Gift Master

I love getting people birthday gifts, but at the same time I hate it. Not because I'm a greedy person, but because  I never know what to get anyone! I remember when I was younger I gave someone deodorant as part of a gift. It's all my mother's fault that we're not friends anymore. No no, I'm joking. We're still friends.
 
Anyways, I always struggle to think of something, but when I finally get an idea of what to get, it's brilliant. Like in this case: one of my best friends, Melissa, is a huge chemistry nerd (she got 100 on the chemistry exam, which is like impossible) and me and her love to make chemistry jokes, so I know she'll love this T-shirt.

If anyone actually understands this joke, please let me know. I want to tell you I love you.

I got this from SnorgTees.com if anyone's wondering. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she sees it. She'll love it. Oh shit, now I'm second guessing myself. This always happens when I get someone an awesome gift. What if she doesn't wear it, and actually hates it?!

What if it doesn't come in on time? Then I'll be forced to explain that I'm a terrible person who happened to forget that her birthday party was this Friday until 10 PM tonight, in which case I rushed to place the order. It should take 2-5 days, but knowing my luck, it will come Saturday. Brilliant.

I think I'm growing younger (is that a paradox? growing younger?)

Today I realized something. With each day that I physically get older, I find myself mentally growing younger. On Wednesday night I found myself sobbing, on the verge of hysteria, while watching The Lion King, when Mufasa dies. My sister walked in and saw me blowing my nose and went downstairs complaining about how immature I am because I still watch the Lion King obsessively. I'm proud of it (though my favorite movie is actually Finding Nemo).

I also stayed up till 4 am last night playing Pokemon on my Game Boy (yes, I still have one of those). I was a huge Pokemaniac when I was younger (I had a Charizard t-shirt-I think that alone is proof) but for a while I thought Pokemon was uncool. You know that period in middle school when you try really hard to be cool, because you're afraid if you act like yourself no one will like you? Yeah that was me. Except it took until last year to wear off. Now I'm just an immature nerd that laughs hysterically at pictures like this:

You have to admit though, this is the most brilliant thing to ever have been found on Google Images. Mean Girls and Harry Potter make an absolutely wondrous combination.

It also doesn't help that my family doesn't take me seriously. That's probably because the only things I am capable of cooking are cereal and spaghetti. I'm not even lying; it's actually something I'm slightly embarrassed about. Even my own mother says my sister acts way more mature, and she's 14. I'll say that's only because she can grill a steak to perfection. I am so the outcast of the family.

I mean there's nothing wrong with expressing your inner immature child, right? It just means I laugh at too many things and demand that my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches be cut into perfect diagonal slices. I'm joking about the PB&J. Sort of. Not really.

I hoped you all liked the randomness of this post. I'm a bit brain-dead, having spent this lovely FRIDAY doing CHEMISTRY (oh, I like bold, really emphasizes the anger).

Wouldn't it be nice..

..If my life had a soundtrack?

Oh, and today I made one of my biggest life achievements. I beat a Pokemon game. Yupp, I am officially a Pokemon master. So today was quite productive.