I have these days once in a while (or, once a week) when I despise everyone and everything. Well, in school anyway. If someone abruptly stops in the hallway, or someone shouts something obnoxious across the hallway, I fly into a form of silent rage. Then I rant to all my friends. Then they're all either amused or terrified. Typically the former.
Anyway, today was one of those days. It's not anyone's fault, it's just been a stressful week. As I was wallowing in my own self-pity and rage, I realized something: I desperately fear leaving high school. Up until senior year, I had always been excited to leave school and go out into the outside world that is college. Now the outside world/college makes me nervous. It's full of bizarre things. I mean, I like bizarre as much as any average social outcast, but I can't predict anything about my future.
First things first, I don't drink. It's kind of a social given that people in college drink. I'm a control freak and I like to think I have some form of class. The idea of losing control of myself to something that comes in a bottle terrifies me. And partying. Do I look like someone who would go out in a skimpy outfit and dance on a table? Hahahaha, you haven't seen me dance. I look like this:
I'm socially awkward, I know that. But the idea of sitting in my dorm room analyzing the uses of the bobby pin is not exactly what I'm looking forward to either.
Lalala, I should write a stream of consciousness post. Here, help yourself to a (good) modern Christmas song:
Blah, I desperately need a good night's sleep. A person's sanity can only handle 4 hours of sleep per night for so long.
I'm socially awkward too! I went all through high school, college and now uni without drinking. There was more pressure in high school but in college and uni you're more grown up and you just do what you want. Maybe it's different if you leave home to go to college/uni. You can still go out and have fun without drinking though. I've always believed that and always will.
ReplyDeleteYeah I think Hazel's right. Not everyone wants to drink, even in college. I think you'll find that people care less about what you personally are doing than in high school. Maybe the key will be finding people like yourself to hang out with :)
ReplyDeleteI am an extremely socially awkward person. I had a party the other night, and let's just be honest: Party's and I don't mix. I felt really awkward the whole time and that is the day I vowed I will never host a party again. Everyone else had fun, but, like you, I'm a control freak. I like organized activity and quiet places and deep conversations.
ReplyDeleteI'm still pondering why I had that party in the first place...
I doubt I'll drink in college. Seriously, the idea of losing self control is about as appealing to me as individually pulling each of my hairs out.
OH MAN, I totally know the feeling! During the school term I get in those little funks as well, except I usually don't end up venting, just silently raging in my head, haha. Aaah yeah, I don't drink either, for the same reasons, I like to stay classy at all times (or so I think, haha I'm a bit clumsy though) and yeah! Like Hazel said it's possible to still have a great time without drinking, and just think - you'll be able to remember it all! :DD HAHA, I dance exactly like that too. D: I'm sure you'll have a bril time in college though, I guess it's like high school, you just gotta make sure you surround yourself with people who have similar views on stuff (drinking etc) :D
ReplyDeleteAh you'll love college. I couldn't wait to leave school and there isn't pressure at all to drink as much as you would think there would be.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I <3 Coldplay!!