Things I learned in 2011...

-You can't please everyone. Actually, there are very few people that you can please. You can try to please certain people, but you only end up hurting or annoying others. That's why being selfish can be fun.
-People really are as stupid as you think they are. It's quite hilarious.

-Blogging is an amazing thing. It's made a glorious impact on me this year. Maybe most people don't value it as much as I do, but the fact that I'm writing something again just for the fun of it makes me happy. I could never journal, because it felt too therapeutic for me. Blogging is perfect because it's let me meet so many amazing people I otherwise would never have gotten to know.

-There is no daily struggle that cannot be fixed with swing music.

-Movies are amazing. Where have they been for most of my life?

-Finding Nemo is the best movie of all time.

-How I Met Your Mother is the best show of all time.

-Facebook is full of idiots.

-Music is growth. It is spectacular how much it has inspired and encouraged me this year. I wouldn't be the same without it.

-History is awesome. It is so fascinating. I don't care how scientifically impossible it is; my greatest wish is to be able to go back and see different historical happenings.

-Some people have to lose 80% of their friends in order to find their true friends. It's quite worth it, though.

-The best place to hide Doritos is in a desk drawer.

-I'm living in the wrong decade. I really got lost in a time vortex and somehow ended up in this stupid generation. I actually belong in the 1960s.

-I would never wish the amount of stress I had this year on anyone. Not even people I really don't like. It tears you apart and scares you. Think I'm being melodramatic? You haven't been there then.

-People who say high school is the best time of your life are liars. It's simply awkward and annoying.

-This year was awful. Next year better be a hell of a lot better.

Here are two songs, just because:

m.

I despise the letter 'm'. First, because it's the letter that keeps sticking on my laptop keyboard. Also...

Sometimes my eyes screw around with me. The letter 'm' transforms from 'm' to 'rn'. This is not good. Think of one word that has the letters 'rn' in them.

Yupp. I'm talking about porn.

I was looking through blogs people follow in hopes that I might find some hidden gems and came upon one that puzzled me: Pom Flair. How could I tell whether it said 'pom' or 'porn'? I thought to myself "heh, they must have been trolling everyone with their strategic blog name". By doing so, they could confuse those who thought it was an 'm', and terrify them with porn, or shock those who thought it was an 'rn' and annoy them with pictures of cheerleaders and pom poms.

My curiosity got the better of me, so I decided I had to see this blog and find out which was true. To my despair, I discovered this:

Blog has been removed

Blahhhh, now I'll never know what it was about! Life is unfair.

Annoyance #5364: People who brag about their gifts on Facebook.

First thing's first: Merry Christmas! Hope your day is magnificent and full of lots of delicious food and spectacular presents. But don't brag about them on Facebook.

Which brings me to my next point...

Five minutes ago I logged onto Facebook. Now, I usually avoid Facebook on Christmas at all costs, because all I see are "ZOMG I GOT THE 64 GB IPHONE 4S" or "HELLO BRAND NEW LAPTOP". Bitch, shut up and stop greeting your laptop. It can't talk.

That was mean. Apologies (but not really).

It's okay if you're happy about getting such gifts. Lord knows I'm not getting any of those things. The problem is the fact that you want everyone to feel inferior about it by posting it on Facebook. Think about it: why else would you make it public? You want everyone to feel happy for you. You want everyone to say: "Wow, that's awesome. I wish I got something like that".

The people who post their gifts on Facebook are the ones who know that most people don't get such extravagant gifts. They want attention. They want everyone to know that they can't be beaten in terms of Christmas gifts. They can easily turn someone who was grateful for a cheaper gift to someone who now feels inferior.

Yeah, I'm a bitter ass. Call me jealous. I'm not, though. My parents have never been particularly materialistic. They believe that it's better to spend your money on experiences you will never forget (like wonderful travels) than some phone that you could do perfectly well without. Plus, when you have to get at least 6 people in our family Christmas gifts, the money really adds up. I personally like getting gifts more on my birthday, because it makes me feel more special.

The people who post about the amazing things they get on Facebook are spoiled. Every day I'm grateful that I'm not like that. It makes me more thankful for the things I have. The only thing I've ever bragged about on Facebook was the fact that I got into Cornell, but I achieved that. I worked my ass off for 4 years. When you're simply given something, you are not entitled to brag about it to everyone. Get yourself some friends who care.

It is much more worthwhile to earn something. Since I'm starting work, I'm going to be saving up for the trip to Europe my mom and I are taking this summer, which is why I didn't receive many gifts from my parents this Christmas or birthday. I'll work hard for it and you know what? Knowing that I achieved it makes it feel so much better than simply to receive it.

Danke Schoen, Daaarling!

My recommendation to you all: find a new music genre you thought you thought you'd never listen to, or a genre you have a vague interest in. What I said in my last post about how I like old swing music is an understatement. I adore it.

I love the quirkiness of this picture. These men infiltrate my dreams.

I never understood high school relationships. Some of the people that get together are so different it's unbelievable. I always thought relationships are supposed to be like having a best friend, but even better. These relationships in high school only exist so they can post Facebook statuses about how much they love each other, or just so they have someone to text 24/7. It makes me want to go up to them and smack 'em in the face and call them a stupid walrus.

I've been calling people that lately. Stupid walrus. Quite applicable, though perhaps slightly offensive to the insecure. I don't have the sanity to be a nice person anymore. :\

Anyway, back to relationships: the superficiality of it all drives me crazy. I know that in the unlikelihood that I am in a relationship in the next 5 years, I would want it to be like having a best buddy-kind of like Jim and Pam from the Office. Laughing endlessly and being idiotic. I want to have Friday night movie nights, watching Ratatouille and Finding Nemo one weekend, and Casablanca and It's a Wonderful Life the next. I want someone who's perfectly willing to read hours of meme online with me, and have ridiculous conversations about the functions of bleu cheese. Oh, and someone who's willing to accept my constant obsessions.

So, after listing all of the impossible requirements of my potential "suitor" and observing all these young couples who claim to have found "the one," how can you possibly not be disillusioned? Most of these people don't even seem to have much fun together. I know some people who are in these types of relationships. They get together once a week, make out till 10 PM, then go home. The rest of their time is spent showing PDA in the hallways. Please, have some fun with your life and stop making out. You'll get herpes.

(I'm actually not stupid enough to not know that you can contract herpes so easily, but some of these kids are so stupid they'd believe it if you told them.)

Then again, I'm also a hopeless unromantic. Love is stupid. I don't even like the word love. All it does is distract you. I like life how it is. I just want someone to have fun with. Notice in the paragraph where I talked about my idea of a cool relationship I didn't use love. It's more like a best friend. I don't like commitment. It's weird. I don't like allowing someone who isn't family or a boss control me. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Nope. You can't reach me.

I also feel completely ridiculous talking about this in the first place. I'm 17. A baby. I don't know the dynamics of talking to a guy, let alone a relationship. College is more important. At least it can get me somewhere in life.

Blah. Forget this. I'm going to watch Love Actually and unintentionally choke on popcorn kernels.

Hugh Grant should be my bro. We could dance together.

They secretly all hate me because I pronounce 'meme' as "may-may"

I really should be preparing for my English oral speech tomorrow on Hamlet, but we've already established that whenever I really have work to do, I'm less inclined to do it. This can be observed in the fact that I had a history assignment due last Monday that I have yet to begin, and that I currently have a 19 in chemistry because of missing work. Slacka' fo' lyfe.

I have two exciting announcements, which will be listed below in Roman numerals, because I like Roman numerals:

 I. I got a job! After 148945 applications with not one interview, I finally got an interview and was offered a position at Tim Hortons. For those of you non-Canadians (or Americans who don't share a border with Canada), Tim Hortons (or Timmy Ho's, or Timmy's, or any other ridiculous name that I despise) is the cross-breed of Starbucks and McDonalds; classier than a fast-food joint, less sophisticated than a legitimate coffee shop. Essentially, I will either be preparing your food or scrubbing it off the toilets. Oh God, why did I say that. I'm disgusting.

II. Cornell sent me my financial aid papers today. I only have to pay $2,500 for next year. I'm ecstatic, considering their expected expenses are $59,500. It basically covers everything: my education, housing, dining, and even personal expenses like books and a laptop. The $57,000 they have covered for me also come in the form of grants, not loans, so I don't have to pay anything back. Perhaps I shouldn't be making this information public, but dude, when else am I supposed to glorify having a low-income?

Now, on to the random section of this post. I'm sure you all have heard of Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' "Empire State of Mind". You all are familiar with the chorus, and how the only words you can catch from it are "in New York". If you insist on knowing more than that, then simply put, you're lying. Now, look at the picture shown below and I'm positive if you sing them out loud, you will fully be able to comprehend the lyrics from this point:

God, I am so obsessed with meme. It's ridiculous. But this is hilarious. That's Wrong Lyrics Christina, by the way. The way these posts are made is by including lyrics that are frequently mispronounced, or difficult to catch when listening, and make words based on how it sounds phonetically. I probably don't even need to explain, but I still think it's funny.

On a final note: my music change, is again evolving. My music taste is like a Pokemon. It starts off like a Charmander, small and sweet, then grows into a more threatening Charmeleon, and then into the vicious Charizard. Well, this time it's more like a transformation from Charmander into Magikarp. This paragraph doesn't make sense. Ignore it.

Anyway, I've come to adore old music. Older-than-rock music. We're talking Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday and so on. We're learning about WWII and watching It's a Wonderful Life (one of my favorite movies) in school, so I've been hearing a lot of the stuff recently. God, what happened to this music? It's so jazzy. Of course, I still love my fair share of rock and indie, but who can say no to Frank Sinatra?

He was a charming man. I can feel this is the start of an enormous obsession with old American culture. I'll stack my shelves with old MGM musicals and Top 100 AFI classics over Christmas break and just drown in sweet bliss. Ah, life does get good.

Why I love pretty music.

I really should be doing my homework now. I have 10000 assignments that were due last week. I, uh, haven't started.

Yes, music can be pretty. Really! You know, the pretty music from movies that sometimes helps add the dramatic effect? Like when Mufasa died in the Lion King? Without the music, perhaps not so many people would cry each time at the scene. That's my theory, anyway.

Last spring I discovered this commercial, which inspired an early blog post, back when I still seriously sucked at blogging. It's embarrassing to link, and I'm too lazy to look for it anyways, so I'll summarize that I was basically ranting about how perfume commercials love to include random models for no apparent reason. I mean, you're advertising perfume, not clothing! It's nonsense.

Anyway, here's the video:

I love the video, with the exception of the model. I mean, she's quite beautiful, but her attempts to be erotic are just awkward. If it wasn't for the music, I would probably just go "eh" and forget about it forever. But the music pulled me in.

Here's the full song, which was actually taken from a Disney Nature documentary about flamingos. Armani be gettin' funkeh.

Gosh, it's so beautiful! It makes me want to leap across the beach in a wet dress and soaking hair (though I imagine I'd look more like a billy goat than a model). Now that I've provided my example, here's my main point:

(Attention! Prior to reading the next few paragraphs, it is essential that you are listening to the above song. If not, perhaps you will find what I am writing to be more abstract than your liking. If you choose not to, fine. ): )

Sometimes music makes an enormous difference in how we perceive a scene. When someone dies in a film, or we're shown a couple in love, sometimes it's the music that really brings that reaction out. Sometimes I love music like this more than music with lyrics, because this music let's me dream as much as I want. It has the effect on me that LSD had for the Beatles. It inspires me. With this music, I can build anything I want out in my head, without any lyrics to shape the fantasies that go on inside. I often wish my life could have a soundtrack like this. It'd make my life seem more beautiful.

I love my mind. It's a wonderful place. I can dream about fantastic sights and spectacular experiences that give me a reason to look forward to the future. There are specific places I've built in my head, not knowing whether they even exist. A couple years ago, I started fantasizing about this one rocky cliff on a beach that overlooks the sea in such vivid detail that sometimes I imagine I'm there. I'd love to think it's a sign that it exists.

I see life in so many beautiful layers of depth. How can someone possibly place their existence on making superficial small talk or having 400 friends on Facebook when there is so much to see, to do and to love?

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Hope you enjoyed this abstract thought. It's late at night, which is when my mind starts thinking weirdly.

My shark is better than your shark.

And no, that was not a sexual reference. Seriously, who needs relevant blog titles anyway?

I have these days once in a while (or, once a week) when I despise everyone and everything. Well, in school anyway. If someone abruptly stops in the hallway, or someone shouts something obnoxious across the hallway, I fly into a form of silent rage. Then I rant to all my friends. Then they're all either amused or terrified. Typically the former.

Anyway, today was one of those days. It's not anyone's fault, it's just been a stressful week. As I was wallowing in my own self-pity and rage, I realized something: I desperately fear leaving high school. Up until senior year, I had always been excited to leave school and go out into the outside world that is college. Now the outside world/college makes me nervous. It's full of bizarre things. I mean, I like bizarre as much as any average social outcast, but I can't predict anything about my future.

First things first, I don't drink. It's kind of a social given that people in college drink. I'm a control freak and I like to think I have some form of class. The idea of losing control of myself to something that comes in a bottle terrifies me. And partying. Do I look like someone who would go out in a skimpy outfit and dance on a table? Hahahaha, you haven't seen me dance. I look like this:

Lord knows I wish I was kidding. Ahahaha...lame.

I'm socially awkward, I know that. But the idea of sitting in my dorm room analyzing the uses of the bobby pin is not exactly what I'm looking forward to either.

Lalala, I should write a stream of consciousness post. Here, help yourself to a (good) modern Christmas song:

Click me!

Blah, I desperately need a good night's sleep. A person's sanity can only handle 4 hours of sleep per night for so long.

El Superhero

A week or so ago, Lex invited me to join her Superhero League, which I gracefully accepted. I would like to introduce you all to my superhero, the Falcon. 

Yes, I am a falcon. One of the most mysterious and powerful of all the birds. The falcon can fly speeds of up to 200 miles per hour, making it one of the fastest creatures of the animal world. With its swift swoops and dives and its keen eyesight, nothing stands a chance against it.

With these powers of super speed and super vision, I can defeat anyone that gets in my way. Within the blink of an eye, I will already have attacked them. My enemies will never stand a chance.

Never again will I be called slow. Never again will I squint my eyes to see something. I am the fastest person in the world, and my sharp eyesight will make you wish you were never born. I am lethal and intimidating (heh, I almost sound like Edward Cullen), but my powers will never be for evil, though my independence makes me wary of those I do not know.

But do not fear me! I am trustworthy and confident, and will help anyone who calls for it (with my sharp senses, of course).

(One thing I lack in, however, is Paint skills. Lol, that illustration of my alter-ego is so pathetic. Perhaps one of my artist League members will help me present myself more honorably.)

Blargh.

90s kids bother me. About 5 years ago, when this entire "90s kid" phenomenon started, it was exciting, because it felt like a nostalgic recollection of the childhood I hadn't realized I missed so much. I was born in 1994, the center of this phenomenon, so everything you will find below pretty much defines my childhood.

This 90s kid thing, however, has gotten way out of hand. For some reason, being born in the center of all of these things makes my generation think that they have the right to bash this upcoming generation because they're growing up differently than we did.Yes, I do find it slightly ridiculous that 10 year old kids have cell phones. Yes, I find it extremely disturbing when elementary school kids swear more than I have in my entire life. Does that mean I need to form negative preconceived notions of this generation, and hate them without any logical reason? No.

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Actually, I hate most of humanity in general. My above argument is a failure. Sorry, '00s kids, but your  standards of living disgust me. I assure you that you would be able to survive without your smart phone. Stop waving it around the air to flaunt the fact you have text conversations with your 5 phone contacts.

Though I can't understand why the 90s kid movement insists that anyone born in 1997 does not qualify as a 90s kid. It's a physical description of time, for God's sake.

This post may surprise you with its bitterness, but I'm actually not that bitter of a person. I'm just somewhat fed up with humanity and all the ridiculous things it comes up with to waste time. I guess that makes me a hypocrite though, because most of my time is spent browsing internet meme.

I'm not entirely lost, though! I found a picture of penguins in sweaters today.

Let's all say it together now! "Awwwww."

By the way, thanks all of you guys for your congratulations! They were very much appreciated :)

ACCEPTED!

GUESS WHERE I GOT ACCEPTED GUYS?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OMG.

Thinking about becoming a vegan? Think again!

 The post below contains graphic content that may not be suitable for all viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.

(Also keep in mind that I did not write this post. I found it for your laughing pleasure!)

In today’s trendy artsy world, more and more young people are becoming vegan every single day. The reason most of these people become vegan is for the protection and welfare of animals. They encourage vegan meals, no meat, cheese, dairy, eggs etc. What most vegans do not realise is that there is a dirty underworld to the growing and manufacturing of this disgusting world trade that is kept well hidden from society.

Above is a picture taken in Indonesia of a carrot being prepared and slaughtered. The carrots are first skinned, then drowned, and can be eaten raw or are cooked in boiling water.

 Also above is a disturbing picture of potatoes being ripped from their home. The preparation is the same as the carrots.

Bananas grow together in a herd. When they ripen, they are stolen from their family, and whilst they are still alive their skin is peeled back and their entire body is usually in eaten in about 6 bites.

Please, all of you, do not turn your faces and look the other way. These horrors must be brought to light, for the sake of our dear fruits and vegetables!

(no produce was harmed in the making of this post)

I'm a sarcastic ass.