Coldplay has a new video! It's called "Charlie Brown," which makes me very excited because that's my current favorite of 'Mylo Xyloto'. Here it is:
I'm so satisfied with the video. It's exactly how I pictured it.
I've been missing a lot of school this year. Call it "senioritis" or whatever, but I think it's out of boredom (not to mention tiredness). I've become so unbelievably bored with everyday school life. It's the same routine every day. I can't possibly stress how boring it is. Every morning I wake up exhausted, go to school and sit in the same classes, take minimal notes, attempt to distract myself by googling random things, and still end up bored and exhausted.
I see no purpose in going to school. My learning these days is minimal. I can go through the entire day and not learn a single thing, mostly because I'm just too lazy to pay attention. I don't see anything we're taught as helpful, because I never end up reviewing the notes I take. I take some notes to pass the time. They don't help me. They're too broad for the very specific tests we're given. Knowing that hydrochloric acid is a strong acid and sodium hydroxide is a strong base is not going to help me on my Acids and Bases test. Only rereading the 30 page textbook chapter is going to help me.
Everything we're learning this year is so thoroughly uninteresting. It all bores me to death. The only class I find moderately intriguing is English, but the books are all kind of lame. I'm not one to label books "lame," but there really can't be anything worse than Edith Wharton's Ethan Frome.
You see, all of the classes I'm in are preparing for a college-level exam at the end of the year. I don't have a reason to care anymore. I got into college. If I keep my grades up to a decent level (and they are), I shouldn't get any admission reconsideration. What's the point then? Last year, I had something to prove. I had to prove to myself, to my peers, and to colleges that I could do well, and I did. I have a deep-set fear of personal mediocrity, and I overcame that in terms of academics.
(I hope you don't think I'm arrogant based on the above paragraph. I'm really not. For the longest time, I really believed I was just a stupid girl that got decent grades because she worked hard. I don't have any achievements to shove into people's faces or any extremely honorable accomplishments. I just recognize the fact that I worked hard. Does that make sense?)
I'm just into things now that are ultimately more satisfying than classes that really don't mean anything other than potential college credit. I put aside my interests for several years so that I could do well in school. That's grown old. I'm tired of being stressed. I want to finally reserve some time for myself and things that I enjoy.
Which is why I did no homework today, despite the fact that I have several projects I could (and should be) working on.
The logical side of my brain finds it essential to suggest that you ignore all of the above paragraphs in favor of a much shorter explanation for my lack of academic motivation and poor attendance record: I'm lazy.
Oh boy. Reading this post just made me relive my senior memories. Dude, I know exactly how you feel. You just don't get the point of it all anymore. It's very anti-climatic (or it was for me anyway).
ReplyDeleteAnd (I'm assuming you're in AP classes?) those AP tests don't really mean anything and if you don't want them to go to college for credit, they won't. They're expensive, but they don't really affect anything a whole lot. So you're just sitting there. Stewing. You're in a holding pin. And all you want to do is just sit around and do nothing. Honestly, by March, I would have rather stared at a blank wall than do anything school-related.
The only thing that really kept me going was choir, dance and friends. We do a big show at the end of every year for choir. It's a pretty big deal. The middle school and elementary schools are involved too. It's always a lot of fun, so I had that to look forward to. In dance, we put on a big production in our recital, and seniors get main roles. And I was Glinda, which made me incredibly happy.
And friends. It was weird for me. The last couple months of school, it was weird. So weird. I became super nostalgic (not surprising) but I also became (better) friends with an entirely new group of people. Actually, I think a lot of people went through the same thing. There was a whole bunch of unnecessary drama occurring in the last couple of months, and I just said "screw it, what's the point?" And found new people to spend time with. And it was great.
Wow. I bet you didn't care about half of that. You know me, the Rambling Queen. Anyway. I hope you find something that keeps you waking up in the morning. Because otherwise, it just sucks. But I know you will get through it. Because even though you feel like you just can't do it anymore, it will all be over soon! And then you can start new adventures!
I adored going to high school, I was just so determined to do well all of the time. Plus I really enjoyed my subjects. In college, my interest dwindled significantly. Now in uni, I have good days occassionally but mainly bad ones. Sigh. I think every student goes through this. Don't know if it'll ever end :(
ReplyDeleteDon't believe the lie that these are the best years of your life. So far my thirties are better than my twenties or teens. I just hope you spend your teens and twenties setting yourself for the rest of your life to kick ass. I didn't do that and wish I had. Basically my advice to you would be get money.
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