My blog is more important than French Resistance media

Hello blog,

Well, it's that time of year again: finals have come, and Yana is procrastinating.

There's a certain height of desperation that comes with the end of the semester, when piles of work throw themselves at me and I have no idea where to begin, so I just don't. Suddenly, article headlines like "What Happened to Lee Harvey Oswald's Wife?" and "The One Smell Women Can't Resist" become the most interesting thing in the world. Instead of reading Albert Camus, I decide to google pictures of him instead (and yes, he was pretty attractive).

At least it's December, so I can listen to my Christmas Pandora playlist.

I feel sad that I don't blog anymore. For months, I refused to even log in. I pretended that this blog didn't exist, even though I secretly wished that I could write here the way I did a year or two ago.

I don't know guys. I could never delete this blog, and I could never stop blogging completely. I would never let it die, but I have nothing to say. Suddenly, it seems dumb to write about 2 AM tea parties with my two best friends/dorm neighbors, or extended rants about department stores playing twenty covers of five different Christmas songs. I'll figure it out eventually.

For now, treat yourself to a picture of a Christmas pig.

Aw.

Summer, Part II

Tomorrow is when my summer becomes weird. I'm leaving for Russia tomorrow.

The last time I visited Russia was in 2010, which was before I made this blog, so you guys probably aren't too familiar with the fact that I visit Russia every few years. My family has an apartment in my mom's hometown. We usually go to visit family on both my mom and my dad's side, and we stay for at least a month. It's kind of like an extended vacation.

This year, I'm staying till July 15th. My parents are actually already there, so I'm flying out myself to meet them there. My sister and my grandma come later on this month. I'm super excited to fly by myself. I always have had this weird fascination with traveling alone. I feel like it's the height of young adult independence. Even though I'm in college, the idea that I'm flying halfway across the world by myself seems so exciting. It probably seems ridiculous that I'm 18 and still in love with the idea of independence.

ALSO, exciting news: I'm going to travel through Europe again! My mom called me from Russia and surprised me with these news a few days ago. We'll mostly be in Italy, visiting cities like Venice, Rome, Verona, Pisa, and Florence. We're leaving on June 8th and will be back the 16th. It still hasn't sunk in. I've been cramming guidebook info into my head again, and getting the same rush that I did planning our Europe trip last year. I still don't know why I love Europe so much, but I do.

I don't care if it's the most popular attraction in Italy, I love the Colosseum.

What have I been doing since the semester has ended? Nothing really. Listening to lots of music and watching lots of TV. I'm currently really into the show Girls. It annoys me that the media keeps calling it 'raw,' as if that means anything. I guess that's a fancy way of saying that it's the closest thing to reality TV without spray tans. Either way, I'm impressed with how it's somewhat realistic. (That, and the fact that Ezra Koenig made a cameo appearance in the second season. I'm kind of obsessed with him right now.) The characters are all both likeable and unlikeable, just like real people. There's more to people than just always either loving them or hating them. There are good and bad characteristics to each person. Maybe if I stop being a lazy blogger I'll write more about this.

People keep asking me what I've been doing this summer, and I always feel lame when I say "well, I've watched lots of TV". Maybe I should start calling it a summer tradition. Anyway, I don't know when my next blog post will be, but I will probably blog over the next month or so. Hope you all are enjoying your spring/summer.

This is the story...

of a Yana, who thought she had her final writing portfolio due today at noon.

Who worked on it all last night,
And woke up at 9:30 AM this morning,
Typing furiously,
Hoping she'd finish it on time.

Who, at 12:05 PM,
was still typing,
growing more anxious with each second,
but still barely finished.

Who, at 12:45 PM,
was still not finished,
but decided to email it all in anyway,
only to look at the deadline.

AND REALIZE IT WAS DUE AT NOON TOMORROW.

6 AM babble

Hi. It's 6 AM. I have not slept. This is the second essay I've written in the past two days. This art history one is really kicking my ass. It's supposed to be 6-8 pages. I've been up all night and so far I've only written four three and a half pages. That's it. Ugh, I am so bad at art history papers. I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I signed up for this class. I adore the subject, but I just can't stand it in an academic setting.

Today marks the last day of April. So I kind of sucked at BEDA this year, but sorry. Like I've said before, it's not that I'm too busy, it's more that I just don't know what to say. Blogging used to be really easy for me; I'd come up with topics all of the time. The past year or so, however, I've just been completely out of ideas. When I do finally come up with something, it's usually in some strange setting and by the time I get the chance to write a post, I've either forgotten it forever or it seems dumb. I want to make quality posts, but I can't. Blogging god, why have you foresaken me?

This is the second all-night I've ever pulled. I really despise all-nighters. Last time I did it, I was super cranky the next day. I treated people meanly and didn't even realize it. I'm not joking; I seriously had no idea that I was acting mean until everyone told me. Then I felt awful. I'll try to control myself today.

I was also amazed at how forgetful I was. I was taking notes, and then halfway through writing something I would completely forget what I was writing.

Still have to finish this paper. Woe is me. Maybe I'll take a two hour nap, then wake up and finish it.

Last week of classes. God help me.

Here's a picture idk.

May this semester end

A lot of people are finishing their semesters this week. I'm not. I'm finishing next week, and then I have exams. I won't get to come home until May 16th at the earliest.

My brain is fried. I can't think anymore. I had so much work due this week. So much reading, so many papers, so many presentations. Tomorrow I have a French test. It's 11 PM and I just can't get myself to study.

I also have a 6 page art history research paper due next Tuesday. I've planned some of it out, and I've been trying to get myself to write it all week. I can't. I just can't.

Why isn't this semester over yet? Why do I have a massive paper due in a class a week before the final exam? Why do I keep watching movies when I desperately need to do work?

These are the questions that plague me. Whine whine whine.

Desserts

Desserts are my biggest weakness. I go crazy for them. When I was on my "healthy eating diet" my biggest temptation was sweet baked goods (which made working at Tim Horton's even more difficult, because donuts everywhere).

In college, it's even more difficult because the desserts are everywhere. They serve them at every meal; cookies, cake, pie, ice cream. I've been trying to cut back for ages, but they're absolutely irresistible! I think I've had 5 chocolate chip cookies over the course of the day. Yesterday I had one slice of cake for lunch, and one for dinner. This morning I also bought two delicious-looking cupcakes. I almost ate one right now, but I decided to put it away and save it for when I'm really hungry or if I'm studying hard.

Just because I'm mean, I'm going to post pictures of delicious desserts:

If I can't eat desserts right now, at least I can look at them.

...I really should start changing my eating habits.

Names I would name my children

I can't remember if I've done a post like this before, but I'll do it anyway. If I ever have children, that is.

Girls
Elizabeth
Amelia
Audrey
Madeline
Victoria

Boys
Alexander
Nicolay (it's my dad's name; pronounced Nick-o-lie)
Liam
Oliver
Julian

Poetry

Poetry's really growing on me. If you asked me about it a year ago, I probably would say that I didn't understand it too much. The past year, I've become friends with several people who really enjoy poetry, and a lot of the people I follow on tumblr are very much interested in poetry. Basically, it was inevitable that I would become interested in poetry when I'm surrounded by so many passionate poetry-lovers.


Last week, however, my history professor said something in lecture that really inspired me: "all of you should start learning poems by heart. Memorizing your favorite poems is probably one of the best things you can do for yourself". That really struck me. I automatically thought of Hazel from The Fault in Our Stars, and how she frequently recites poems in the book. It's such a beautiful thing, knowing your favorite poems. It's like carrying your favorite books with you all of the time, but it's even better because they're in your head to comfort you whenever you need it.

One poem that I've recently enjoyed very much is T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock". Here's my favorite passage:

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window panes;	25
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;	30
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

Beautiful, huh? I've been reading that passage a lot. What's even more amazing is that if you go on Youtube, there are videos of a lot of the poets from the early 20th century and onward reading their poems aloud. You can hear the actual writer read it! Super exciting.

Do any of you read poetry? What are your favorite poems, or your favorite poets?

Decisions decisions!

I've finally decided exactly what I want to focus on in college. I've narrowed it down to three subjects: history, film, and English. I'm so happy to finally have some idea of what I'll study.  I worried that I would never know what to study, and that I'd end up choosing something I didn't like at all. There were just so many different choices! Finally, I realized that these things are exactly what I'm most passionate about.

I'm especially excited about history and English right now. I already knew I wanted to specialize in film, but these other two things I realized only recently. Next semester, I'm taking a WWII in Europe history course, two film courses (one called Global Cinema; the other American Cinema), a course on Ancient Greek culture, and I'm now trying to figure out whether I can fit a literature course into my schedule too.

I know this probably isn't very interesting to anyone else except me, but it's exciting to finally know which subjects truly interest me!

Failure (and Harry Potter).

Lol sorry I guess I suck at BEDA. I'm still trying though. I will still try to do my best!

It's like 70 degrees outside today. It's 7 PM and I can still see the sun. It's still light out. I don't think I've ever been so excited for spring. It's finally here!

Here are pictures from my magical Harry Potter weekend:

I'm smack in the center.

From left: Sirius Black, Walburga Black, Regulus Black, Bellatrix Lestrange, Narcissa Malfoy, Draco Malfoy

 There are so many pictures I could put up here, but I won't because it takes forever and I'm lazy. If you want to see any more, feel free to ask and I'll put 'em up!

It was amazing to see just how dressed up everyone was. Some people really had amazing costumes. I should find a picture of our Nearly-Headless Nick and Snape. Those two were my favorite. We even had real owls! There were about six owls on display. It was amazing and magical. I can't wait for next year's event!

Tomorrow I'm going to try to blog about something else. I'm starting to think that I'm a very boring blogger.

A Harry Potter Weekend

So every year my dorm hosts this event called "A Night at Hogwarts". For an entire evening, we transform our castle-looking dorm into Hogwarts. We put on skits from A Very Potter Musical, everyone dresses up, and we serve Harry Potter-based foods.

This year's "Night at Hogwarts" is tomorrow! I'm super excited. I'm going as Madame Hooch. I already have a robe that fits her very well, but I'm still searching for a broom. We've made hundreds of chocolate frogs, and the entire dorm is decorated. We also have different themed rooms like the Room of Requirement, and crafts galore! It'll be fantastic.

On Saturday, we continue our celebrations by hosting an evening Yule Ball, when everyone dresses up again and we actually get well-known wrock bands to come and play. I can't remember which one is playing this year, but supposedly we've had bands like Harry and the Potters come and play in past years. It's super exciting!

Anyway, I thought you'd all appreciate knowing this. Here's a picture of last year's Harry Potter cast.

I'll post pictures of this years event! (Hopefully.)

Blogging Peer Pressure

I'm doing BEDA as of today. This was Lexie's idea. I insist that all of you go to her blog right now and give her dirty looks. Seriously, feel free to glare! I give you permission.

It's weird doing BEDA. Nostalgic, even. I'm thinking back to a year ago, and how exhausting but exhilarating it was. I'm amazed I actually posted every day. Even though this is four days late, I'm going to do it every day from now until the last day of April. The busyness excuse doesn't even apply to me, because while I'm technically busy, I still procrastinate far too much to be as busy as I like to say I am.

Sorry I haven't been blogging, guys! Again, I'm not going to say I'm busy. Things are more hectic than they were, say, last April, but I love it! I'm simply lazy and haven't had much to say beyond my college life, and I hate talking too much about my life. It's like that friend we all have that spends hours talking about her life and doesn't once stop to ask you how you're doing.

I am slowly and magically transforming into a hippie enthusiast. Not an actual hippie, because I don't have the clothing taste nor the personality that the hippie life requires. BUT I've been listening to the Grateful Dead all day. I'm reading books about the 60s hippie movement. Sometimes I like to fantasize that I was in San Francisco in the late 1960s, saying "yeah man, it's all about the love". Except I do say that sometimes. Oops.

You know when you're just so intrigued by something that you can't stop reading about it, even though it doesn't apply to your life? You find yourself reading about how toasters work, or Kim Kardashian's life (even though you really don't care all that much, but LORD HOW DID SHE BECOME FAMOUS?). I think that's what it is.

I don't want to talk about too many things because then I'll be out of ideas for blog posts this month. Here's a picture of Dumbledore being logical and stuff.

P.S. I'M SO HAPPY TO BE BLOGGING AGAIN. THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT GUYS. (Said the ignorant girl on her first day of BEDA, fully aware that she will regret her words in less than a week.

Boys

There are too many of them. They scare me. All of a sudden I have a few of them circulating around me, and it makes me nervous.

Going through high school with not a single boy really interested in me (at least, from what I knew), and me not interested in anyone, this is a huge change.

I'm in a pre-relationship stage with one of them, which is essentially where we both like each other but we're too afraid to admit it because we don't want to get hurt. But sometimes we get brave and act like a couple and everyone can tell. It's super complicated. Think of Superman and how super he is. That's how super complicated it is.

Then there's another guy I met a few weeks ago, and he's ridiculously good-looking and exactly my type, but I haven't gotten the chance to get to know him better. He kind of looks like this:

(Picture I found on tumblr)

He even has a similar jacket. He visits me sometimes at my dorm's dining hall. He's a barista at my favorite coffee shop, and extremely literary. Basically, "hipster barista" without the arrogance, and a really sweet personality. My favorite pastime is seeing him hang outside the coffee shop, reading a book, even when it's cold outside. He also likes to tell me I have beautiful eyes. I'm a little bit smitten.

Basically, there are too many guys. I thought maybe I'd randomly update about that. I like finding boys that I used to dream about finding.

This has been a super-shallow post, but hey, I'm 18.

(Oh yeah, Izzy, if you're reading this, I'll do your post soon. Trust me!)

Things I'm learning this semester

• People actually like me. I'm still surprised about this. Lots of people are making an effort to be my friend, which I don't quite understand, but I love it anyway.
• It's okay to be yourself. Really. I've been opening up to people a lot more, and being my weirdly quirky self, and it leaves me happy, and others seem to like it.
• I think I might major in history in addition to film, which might not be the most productive thing in the universe but:
• Sometimes you have to learn to accept things that you can do and things that you can't do. We all have different talents and interests.
• I really, really adore music.
• I firmly believe I have one of the best jobs on campus. I come in whenever I want and leave whenever I want. They feed me leftovers. I get paid a ton of money for almost no work. My boss is a super nice grad student. The other three guys I work with are chill too. (I'm a videographer, by the way.)
• I still like boys that play in bands. A lot.
• I also like hiking. And nature. They bring a wonderful peace inside me.
• Impromptu dance parties are my favorite
• You have to be careful. Some people really do want to take advantage of you. I'm learning to be less naive. Not everyone out there is looking out for you. It's a really cynical fact, but I guess that's why it feels so great when someone does really want the best for you.
• Someone called me bubbly today. I never thought of myself in that way, but okay!
• You guys are all really wonderful people. Thank you so much for all of your support in my last post. I was so damaged by that, but honestly you guys helped in ways I can't even explain. I don't know, it just feels really good knowing that you have a support system, you know? So, a massive thanks to all of you. I mean it.

...I also really love gnomes

A guy just called me fat. He straight up said to me "you know, you're not in shape". I feel like the lowest human being on the planet.