Tonight I watched an episode of Gilmore Girls. In this episode, Rory (a teenage prep school student, for those of you who don't know) was being told by the headmaster of her school that if she wants to get into a good college, she would have to be more social. No more reading a book at lunch while listening to music.
The catch of it all was that Rory did have friends. She had close relationships, but just because it wasn't obvious to everyone, they assumed she was a loner. I thought I couldn't relate to Rory any more than I already did, but I can't get over the relevance of this episode. Since starting (and finishing) my first semester, I've talked about perspectives on this with lots of people. I remember a guy friend of mine saying "do you ever look at some of the people eating alone in the dining halls? It's like you can just tell that they don't have any friends. They look around at other people, and they're so sad."
After that conversation, I got a little paranoid. I mean, I eat alone sometimes. That doesn't mean that I don't have friends. Sometimes I like to eat and read a book, because I enjoy it. I don't understand why our culture places such a big deal on always showing off that we have friends. We live in such an extroverted society. If you're alone sometimes, you're automatically labeled a loner. What's wrong with enjoying a little bit of time a day by yourself?
On the surface, it seemed as if Rory didn't have any friends because none of her closest friends went to her school, a complete misjudgment. I have friends in college, but I don't spend every waking moment with them. I don't need to eat with a big group of people to feel like I have friends, because I do. I have decent social skills, as do many other people who have probably at some point in their life been labelled a loner because they happen to not always appear in public with their friends.
The point of all of this is that we shouldn't be so quick to judge a person's social life based on what we see. We don't know their life. I think, as people mature, they start to care less about their perceptions of others, and more on whether or not they enjoy spending their time with a person.
Or not.
I agree, and I think that especially in high school, it can be really nerve wracking to walk out of class alone or to choose to go to the library instead of the canteen because you want to, not because you have no friends.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post. Wow. I'm exactly the same way. Sometimes I go to the cafeteria with a book, or a notebook, or a textbook and just read/write/study. It isn't because I don't have friends, it's just that sometimes I don't FEEL like being social. Sometimes I want a little time to myself, and with a roommate, sometimes you have to get creative on how to do that XD
ReplyDeleteLove this post. Keep reading at lunch. I won't judge XD
~Stephanie
I totally agree with you when it comes to the maturing part, when you grow up you start getting to know who you are, what you want, & realize life doesn't all revolve about others it's about being your own best friend and enjoying your own company.
ReplyDeleteBeside that, when it comes to me, there's nothing more interesting than sit alone at a coffee shop with a book. :))
Great post and i ADORE Gilmore girls xoxo
I love Gilmore Girls and agree with SO, SO much of this post. I think you not eating everyday with your friends is completely healthy and great, probably more healthy than spending every waking moment with them. However I would say that never eating with people would give off the impression of being a loner and possibly not very healthy. I think being too social isn't healthy but neither is being constantly alone. With Rory she was just settling into her new school and wasn't making much of an effort with new people. And her Headmaster was kind of right, because this begun Rory and Paris getting on again.
ReplyDeleteThat was a bit of an essay. Sorry. Just on a bit of a personal note, I miss you and would quite like you to email about college, finals soon. The UK is very lonely.
IZZY YES. I'm sorry I was so horrible at getting back to your emails, I was so busy I lost track! (or maybe I'm just horrible at replying to emails). I hope you forgive me! We shall resume our emailing immediately!
DeleteAnd yes, I think you're right. There should be a balance. I think Rory's big flaw was that she just didn't care about any of it. She could have been a bit more social, considering she would spend so much time with these people. But she should have chosen her friends wisely. I doubt there weren't better people to befriend than the people she ended up sort-of becoming friends with in her school (like Paris *shudders* I really don't like Paris).
Okay, we also have to discuss Gilmore Girls further. I just started watching it again last night after not watching it for about 2 years, so I NEED to talk about this. :D
Oh yeah. We can discuss our mutual dislike of Paris and which of Rory's boyfriends we like the most. Have you seen all the seasons? I don't want to ruin anything!
DeleteYup, I've seen all of them. The first three are my favorite though, because I love Stars Hollow so much. And Jess is totally my favorite of Rory's boyfriends. (I hated Logan so much.)
DeleteHahahaha this discussion could get very intense.