Beautiful 70 Degree Autumn Weather Thoughts

Today is stunning. I sat out here:

(taken on my phone)

And wrote in my journal, listening to the most beautiful music (this) and I felt more inspired than ever before. It was just the most heartwarming 15 minutes that I almost sobbed when I saw my battery dying. Without music, it wouldn't quite be the same. But anyway, I'll share an excerpt from my journal about what I was thinking during this time because I'm extremely proud of this writing.

Now I'm sitting on the Slope, watching the cars go by under the mountains, and tears well up in my eyes because the world is so flawless and I know that I'll forget that in a couple of months, when gray skies and white snow cloud my vision and the world turns black and white.

Everyone knows that eventually all songs end and the sun goes down and beauty dies, so you're left alone with a small spark of hope that sets you on fire. It feels like the most beautiful thing in the world and every fear goes away, and maybe the sun has set and the snow has started, but you stay the same. For you, it's still bright outside and the leaves are red and orange and gold and God, everything is so beautiful that you could just hug all the sad people in the world, so they'll feel it too.

The Romantic

I'm sorry, but this is going to be a very cheesy, lovey-dovey post.

Can I tell you about him? I just really really want to. I feel like I want to shout to the world about how perfect he is.

He was so reserved when I met him. So mellow. It took me forever to start talking to him because we’re so similar, and his shyness made me shy. I was so shy around him. But I’m opening up to him and it makes me so happy. I talk to him about things I don't think I could tell any other guy, and he knows what I mean.

He loves movies. He loves books. Even more, he loves talking about them. He has opinions. He has deep thoughts. He isn’t emotionless. He's intense. He's lost in his own world of thoughts and feelings and confusions, just like I am. I didn't think a guy could feel as much as he feels. I love that about him. He understands. He understands everything.

And he has this crooked smile. His teeth are so crooked. It makes him look sweet. I love it when he smiles. His face lights up and he looks like an excited little boy. I wish everyone in the world could stop for a second and just look at him when he smiles. He always looks a little sad, so I’m ecstatic when he looks genuinely happy.

And when he talks to me he has this small smile on his face. Not a huge smile. Just a little smile of content. I don’t know why, and I can’t figure it out, but when he’s listening to me talk it almost looks like he’s looking through my eyes into something deeper. With that content smile. I feel like the most important person in the world when he looks at me. Even when we're surrounded by people, he looks at me when I'm talking as if I'm the only person there.
 
I just, I just… I just like him so much.

All this and heaven too.

Things are going so well. I'm really starting to get a great group of friends. I'm having fun and laughing lots. The weather's always beautiful, even though it's autumn. The leaves are stunning. I sit on the grass on sunny days and look at the vast hills surrounding me.

I love studying at a certain coffee shop. It's a really cool place, filled with lots of artsy people and great music. I love coming down (it's in a basement) and seeing my friends there all the time.

I met a boy. He's absolutely wonderful. It feels like God just took every possible good thing and made it into a person. Every time I think about him I smile, and my friends think it's so adorable (haha). He makes me scribble "j'adore un garçon" in my French notebook. I count down the hours till I can see him again when I'm in class. Thankfully, he lives just down the hall.

I can't stop smiling, guys. It's so great.

Quick Complaining Time

My roommate is so weird.

She is so weird.

She comes in without a word and puts a massive stuffed panda on her head. On her head. Why? WHY?

She has 8 stuffed pandas on her bed. I counted.

Yes I like pandas. I adore certain animals, but you don't see me putting a stuffed toucan on my head.

It's just weird if you think about it. It's a weird kind of affection. Oh I love this panda so I'm going to put it on my head. It just looks odd. It looks as if she's trying to practice the art of balance.

And don't get me started on how her alarm goes off in the morning every time she goes to take a shower. I wanted to turn it off myself, but I didn't know how to shut that stupid phone up.

We're talking this huge

No just kidding. More like this.

Stuffed panda. On her head. A big bulky stuffed panda. I can't get over that.

Oh yeah, and she doesn't sleep. Always pleasant to fall asleep to the sound of her obnoxiously loud mouse clicking every freaking second.

Ugh, I better get a single next year.

Moments of revelation.

Tonight has been a revelation. I've realized a lot. I've realized I love what I'm doing. I love being behind the camera. I absolutely adore it.

As I finished editing a short video for my film class tonight, I felt an most enormous sense of accomplishment. To see all those long, useless clips come together into something meaningful; it was just the most exciting feeling. My little film is like my baby. I struggled to edit it. I chose what was important and what wasn't. I made something out of nothing. That's what it feels like.

I have so much work left to do tonight. It's stressing me out, but the fact that I spent my evening working on my film project makes everything more fun.

Don't get me wrong. Film isn't always fun. It's exhausting. It's frustrating. It's even horrible at times. It makes my neck and head ache. It turns me into a giant squid of anger. It takes up a ton of time. Sometimes it annoys me. But those moments when I've accomplished what felt so far away, when I look at what I've created, makes everything worth it.

Lots of cheesiness, I know, but I'm so excited.

Infinite

It's Saturday 11:49 PM and I am lying in bed. It is post-Perks. I am suffering from post-Perks.

I saw the movie, guys. After a year of waiting, I saw it tonight and it was the most wonderful and heartbreaking thing I have ever seen. It was beautiful. I didn't think the movie would compare to the book. I never think that movie adaptations compare to the book. But this one might have been better. I don't know. Maybe.

What amazed me is that it was directed and written by Stephen Chbosky. He had entire creative control over the movie. That is amazing. I firmly believe that that is why the movie was so fantastic. Every single important part was covered in such a wonderful way that I learned even more about the story. It's almost like it was a completely new story, yet the plot was followed.

This was one of my favorite scenes. I bet you can guess what it was.

I was so impressed with the acting too. The actors did a great job. Emma Watson especially. I completely forgot everything I knew about her acting history when I was watching her on screen. She did a great job with her American accent too. She really distinguished herself.

And Logan Lerman is just the most perfect human in the world. He was so marvelous I almost fell in love with him.

The movie was so emotional. So. Much. Crying. I was surrounded by sniffling people wiping their eyes every 5 seconds (not that I wasn't crying). And then at the end, everyone clapped. They actually applauded the film. I had never been more proud of humanity.

It's wonderful, guys. Whether you've read the book or not, please go see it. It's heartbreaking and life-changing.

How are you?

I cannot for the life of me understand that question.


This evening, I saw someone I only barely knew. I mean, we've talked a couple of times, but that's it. He said hello, and then asked "how are you?" How do you expect me to answer that question? The only way I could possibly answer that question is by saying "good" (yes, I know that's grammatically incorrect, but so is 'gonna' and that's not disappearing anytime soon). Even if I'm not good, why on Earth would I tell someone I barely know that? They would ask 'why' and then I would have to explain some personal story that they probably would rather not know.

Not that I have any reason to say I'm not doing well to that question. I actually was 'good' when I told them that. It's just something I thought about after I was asked that question. I completely understand if a close friend asks me 'how are you,' because I know them well and I would be able to honestly respond.

Same thing with what's up. Actually, not really. I still have no idea how to answer that question. All I ever say is "eh". Seriously. Hahaha.

The pleasant things

There are certain things that will make even the worst day a lovely one.

Things like:

-lying in bed, making playlists on Spotify
-reading The New Yorker
-listening to Simon & Garfunkel and New Order
-finally catching up on my homework (yes, really)
-whipping my camera out and taking pictures
-getting ideas for blog posts
-pumpkin-flavored anything
-when one of my drawings comes out well
-when I don't screw up on a watercolor
-wearing a nice sweater
-watching Seinfeld and/or Doctor Who

The past couple of weeks have been extremely rough. Seriously, I can't remember the last time I've been so stressed. Right now I'm trying to write an article for the Cornell Sun about Ellie Goulding's new album, but it's not working out well because the album still hasn't been released (stupid deadlines!). It's alright though, because soon I'm going to get tired and then I'll curl up in bed with a cup of tea and watch a couple episodes of Doctor Who.

Don't you hate when you have some free time and you're so unused to it that you don't know where to begin? Like you could read, or you could watch your favorite TV show, or you could go shopping, but it's just too difficult to pick one! It's hard being indecisive, but this is the best kind of indecisive.

Sometimes it's fun to be lazy.