Sunday, November 25, 2012

The frazzled photographer

My camera still hasn't come.

I'm so frustrated. At this moment I just want to drop out of college because I have hundreds of pages of reading for my government class and it's just not me. Why did I sign up for this class? Why did I ever think I like politics? I don't. It's tedious and boring and long and annoying. I've fallen so far behind I just want to cry.

Honestly, I'm on the verge of tears at this point because I've spent half the day looking at camera lenses online and I want them all but I have absolutely no money and no one even understands how much I want to take pictures for a living. Since I was a kid I've adored nature and landscapes and I spend a good chunk of my time immersing myself in all of it on nice days.

All I think of is traveling the world and going to isolated places that people don't go to and just throwing myself into all of it. Spending an entire day on a rocky coast in Ireland. Exploring a jungle in South America. Standing in a vast field of green hills in New Zealand. All of it. Just all of it.

And I can't have that. I have government reading instead.

What do you do when all you've dreamt of isn't within your reach? When it never will be?

Not mine. Courtesy of flickr. Inspiration stuff.

I can make movies. I love that. I love short artistic films where the cinematography is more important than the story, because I love being behind the camera more than anything. But movies are tough. You have to rely on other people. It's not just you doing it. It involves the actors, the sound person, the extras, the slate person. I'm not used to relying on other people. That's why I love my camera so much. It's just me and my camera.

It's also why I love nature and landscape photography. There isn't a subject. There isn't a model or a group of people. Nature is just there. It's not there for you. You can't tell a mountain what to do. You work with what you've got. No one frowns at you. And I love it. I love it with every fiber of my being.

I'll be alright.

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