Sometimes I have trouble keeping up with my brain.
I live in a dream world; a miraculous world where I am happy and satisfied. I've built an empire inside my head of my future life, the one that will come as soon as I leave this town. I don't plan things (like my obsessive friend who googles apartments in London because he's so desperate to move there). I just map things out in my head.
I know it can happen though. That's what I love about it. I know that every single dream I have, every hope and plan, can come true if I want it to.
I truly live in my thoughts. Most people who know me wouldn't think I'm much of a thoughtful person because I don't give such an air. But I find comfort in my thoughts. If I didn't have them, I would probably have gone crazy already. When you're the outcast who lives in a town in the middle of nowhere, where everyone is exactly the same, you have to have bigger dreams. You have to realize that the world is bigger and better than a place with one supermarket.
I guess I have two things to blame for that: Europe and music. Both of them catalyzed the other. When I visited different countries in Europe last summer, something enormous inside me stirred. I felt, I knew, that this was where I was supposed to be. This is the place where I could finally find people just like me. So I built my future life around this. I knew that one day, somehow, I'd come back and that is where my true life would begin. Add really good music that made me think more deeply about life and you have yourself a dream world.
It's not easy though, knowing that somewhere out there you could be happier, but you can't reach it. The only choice you have is patiently waiting. A whole year of living in a dream world isn't easy either; it changes you. The person I was before I went to Europe last summer is not the person that is sitting on her bed typing this right now. I look at things differently, I act differently. I feel like I've also become more awkward in social situations. Whereas I used to be a bit more open to meeting new people, now I'm a bit nervous for fear that they'll judge me. Or maybe that's just because I've had the same friends forever, so I don't remember how exactly you make new ones.
So there's my abstract thought for today. Digest it however you want.