Boys

There are too many of them. They scare me. All of a sudden I have a few of them circulating around me, and it makes me nervous.

Going through high school with not a single boy really interested in me (at least, from what I knew), and me not interested in anyone, this is a huge change.

I'm in a pre-relationship stage with one of them, which is essentially where we both like each other but we're too afraid to admit it because we don't want to get hurt. But sometimes we get brave and act like a couple and everyone can tell. It's super complicated. Think of Superman and how super he is. That's how super complicated it is.

Then there's another guy I met a few weeks ago, and he's ridiculously good-looking and exactly my type, but I haven't gotten the chance to get to know him better. He kind of looks like this:

(Picture I found on tumblr)

He even has a similar jacket. He visits me sometimes at my dorm's dining hall. He's a barista at my favorite coffee shop, and extremely literary. Basically, "hipster barista" without the arrogance, and a really sweet personality. My favorite pastime is seeing him hang outside the coffee shop, reading a book, even when it's cold outside. He also likes to tell me I have beautiful eyes. I'm a little bit smitten.

Basically, there are too many guys. I thought maybe I'd randomly update about that. I like finding boys that I used to dream about finding.

This has been a super-shallow post, but hey, I'm 18.

(Oh yeah, Izzy, if you're reading this, I'll do your post soon. Trust me!)

Things I'm learning this semester

• People actually like me. I'm still surprised about this. Lots of people are making an effort to be my friend, which I don't quite understand, but I love it anyway.
• It's okay to be yourself. Really. I've been opening up to people a lot more, and being my weirdly quirky self, and it leaves me happy, and others seem to like it.
• I think I might major in history in addition to film, which might not be the most productive thing in the universe but:
• Sometimes you have to learn to accept things that you can do and things that you can't do. We all have different talents and interests.
• I really, really adore music.
• I firmly believe I have one of the best jobs on campus. I come in whenever I want and leave whenever I want. They feed me leftovers. I get paid a ton of money for almost no work. My boss is a super nice grad student. The other three guys I work with are chill too. (I'm a videographer, by the way.)
• I still like boys that play in bands. A lot.
• I also like hiking. And nature. They bring a wonderful peace inside me.
• Impromptu dance parties are my favorite
• You have to be careful. Some people really do want to take advantage of you. I'm learning to be less naive. Not everyone out there is looking out for you. It's a really cynical fact, but I guess that's why it feels so great when someone does really want the best for you.
• Someone called me bubbly today. I never thought of myself in that way, but okay!
• You guys are all really wonderful people. Thank you so much for all of your support in my last post. I was so damaged by that, but honestly you guys helped in ways I can't even explain. I don't know, it just feels really good knowing that you have a support system, you know? So, a massive thanks to all of you. I mean it.

...I also really love gnomes

A guy just called me fat. He straight up said to me "you know, you're not in shape". I feel like the lowest human being on the planet.

Happy Winter and Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!

I hope you all have a wonderful start of the year and I hope the transition from writing 2012 to writing 2013 is super quick and not-annoying.

New York has, surprisingly, had a wonderfully white holiday season. The snow came in the form of a blizzard and has been coming along since. It's wonderful. There's something about the snow that is so peaceful and quiet. Last night, I poked my head outside for a second around midnight and it was one of the most beautiful moments I've had this year. Outside, it was absolutely silent. You couldn't hear a single car or voice. The sky was slightly pink and was perfectly contrasting to the shadows of trees in my backyard (as pictured in the...picture).

Anyway, this post is very rushed, because I'm trying to get one last post before it becomes 2013. I'm leaving on vacation tomorrow, so I probably won't be blogging much for the next couple of weeks. Who knows?

I do have a New Year's resolution, however. I want to read 35 books, again. I may not have achieved it this year, but it's my goal for the new year.

Enjoy your celebrations! (I'll save all of my random thoughts for another post. Tonight, you're just getting a cheesy one.)

The book-reading, music-listening lunch club

Tonight I watched an episode of Gilmore Girls. In this episode, Rory (a teenage prep school student, for those of you who don't know) was being told by the headmaster of her school that if she wants to get into a good college, she would have to be more social. No more reading a book at lunch while listening to music.

The catch of it all was that Rory did have friends. She had close relationships, but just because it wasn't obvious to everyone, they assumed she was a loner. I thought I couldn't relate to Rory any more than I already did, but I can't get over the relevance of this episode. Since starting (and finishing) my first semester, I've talked about perspectives on this with lots of people. I remember a guy friend of mine saying "do you ever look at some of the people eating alone in the dining halls? It's like you can just tell that they don't have any friends. They look around at other people, and they're so sad."

After that conversation, I got a little paranoid. I mean, I eat alone sometimes. That doesn't mean that I don't have friends. Sometimes I like to eat and read a book, because I enjoy it. I don't understand why our culture places such a big deal on always showing off that we have friends. We live in such an extroverted society. If you're alone sometimes, you're automatically labeled a loner. What's wrong with enjoying a little bit of time a day by yourself?

On the surface, it seemed as if Rory didn't have any friends because none of her closest friends went to her school, a complete misjudgment. I have friends in college, but I don't spend every waking moment with them. I don't need to eat with a big group of people to feel like I have friends, because I do. I have decent social skills, as do many other people who have probably at some point in their life been labelled a loner because they happen to not always appear in public with their friends.

The point of all of this is that we shouldn't be so quick to judge a person's social life based on what we see. We don't know their life. I think, as people mature, they start to care less about their perceptions of others, and more on whether or not they enjoy spending their time with a person.

Or not.